October is breast cancer awareness month, and FHPCA wants to remind women everywhere to get tested early. The American Cancer Society recommends that all women over the age of 40 get an annual mammogram and a clinical physical examination. For more information about breast cancer, visit the American Cancer Society’s website.

If you have lost a loved one and would like to speak to someone, contact your local hospice program. Hospice offers community support groups, sometimes specific to diseases like canc
er, that are free and open to the public. Your loved one did not have to receive hospice care in order to attend these support groups. Find your local hospice by visiting our Find-a-Provider page.

Also see: Breast Cancer Facts & Figures 

The attacks that occurred in Orlando this past weekend brought a sense of hopelessness and deep sorrow to communities across Florida. How can people deal with grief during this difficult time? At the Florida Hospice & Palliative Care Association, we want people to know they  can turn to our hospice providers for bereavement support. In a recent interview, Community Hospice of Northeast Florida explains the help grief programs provide to those individuals impacted by the tragedy in Orlando.

Click here for to watch the full story on Community Hospice of Northeast Florida’s Grief Counseling.

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. – Following the devastating attack in Orlando over the weekend, the Florida Hospice and Palliative Care Association (FHPCA) encourages communities across the state of Florida to contact their local hospice provider for grief and bereavement services.

Hospices offer bereavement counseling, workshops, support groups and a compassionate environment for people who need help in times of grief. These services are open to community members even if their loved-one did not die in hospice. Those interested can visit lethospicehelp.org, a website offering answers to questions about grief and provides a searchable hospice provider directory.

FHPCA President & CEO Paul Ledford said, “This tragic incident affects so many people in Florida and across our country. We want everyone affected by this situation to know our hospice providers are available to provide grief and bereavement support during this difficult time. It is important to come together and let families know they are not alone, and our thoughts and prayers are with Orlando, the LGBTQ community, and all those touched by the events of Sunday morning.”

Local hospice programs are ready and able to help those dealing with the loss of a loved one or struggling to understand the events that transpired over the weekend in Orlando. For more information on how to access this type of support, visit Let Hospice Help’s website at lethospicehelp.org.

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Media Contact: Evelyn Hernandez, Marketing & PR Specialist

evelyn@nullfloridahospices.org  |  850-878-2632

About Florida Hospice & Palliative Care Association:

Florida Hospice & Palliative Care Association (FHPCA) is a not-for-profit, IRS Section 501(c)(3) organization representing hospice patients and families, hospice professionals and hospice providers. FHPCA strives to assure excellence in, and expand access to, hospice and palliative care, and advocates for the needs of those in the final stages of life.

2000 Apalachee Parkway, Suite 200, Tallahassee, Florida 32301

Telephone: 850.878.2632

Hospice Helpline: 800.282.6560

Courtesy of HPH Hospice

Picture this: Your mother has broken her arm and it’s time to make her traditional pecan pie for the holidays.

It’s easy to see that it would be difficult for her to make the pie this year, so you let her know that she shouldn’t worry about bringing it.

Bereavement counselor Dale Thien offers practical tips for grieving people who are expecting a difficult holiday season. It’s easy for people to see a broken arm, said Dale Thien, a bereavement counselor for HPH Hospice. It’s not always so easy to see the effects of a heart that’s broken by the death of a loved one.

 The bereavement counselor said she often opens her workshops by talking about how expectations change when we can see a physical ailment that poses limitations, and the need to make similar adjustments when someone has suffered an emotional loss that’s equally, if not more, debilitating.
“Your grief is like you have a broken heart,” Thien said. “The thing is, we can’t really see that.”

During her workshops, she asks those who are grieving to give themselves permission to grieve. And, she asks them to let their loved ones know what they need.

“Understanding can come from the rest of the family, as they adjust their expectations about the holidays and about the role that this grieving person will play,” she said.

The death of a loved one often creates a sense of disorientation and a loss of equilibrium, as people adjust to life without the physical presence of their loved one.

“So, we want to make adjustments,” she said.

It may be time to modify the family routine, Thien said.

“We don’t want to stress people out with too much of the same because it becomes so obvious that there’s a big gaping hole where the person you loved used to be,” the counselor said. “I think some people dance around the issue of, should we mention the loved one’s name or not?”

Typically, people look to the person who had the closest connection to the deceased to provide guidance on this issue, she said.

“If you’re the grieving person and it was your main loss, then probably your family is waiting for you to mention their name,” Thien said. “And then, they will get the go-ahead that it’s OK to be talking about that.”

She recalled an instance when a widow told her that she was angry with her family because they never once mentioned her deceased husband during the holidays. Later, that same day, the daughter told the counselor she was upset because they had not talked about her father.

“So, everyone just danced around this elephant in the living room,” Thien said. “No one acknowledged it.”

People often do not know how to handle these situations, Thien said. She suggests, in this case, the daughter could have said to her mother in private: “I’m interested in talking about dad. Is that OK with you?”

The workshop seeks to give grieving people the tools for handling the holidays.

“We’re also going to try to empower the grieving person to ask for what they need,” she said.

One practical tip is for grieving people to drive themselves to holiday gatherings, Thien said. That way, they’re free to leave when they want to.
People who are grieving may not be up to the hustle and bustle of shopping.

So Thien advises them to simplify their gift giving. They can buy everyone the same gift, for instance, or send mail-order baskets of fruit. Or, they can give cash.

People who are grieving may not feel like sending out holiday cards. They might not have the energy to decorate the house.

They don’t have to, Thien said. “You get a pass this year.”

Or, they may want to invite family members to come decorate their home, or just put up fewer decorations.

If they decide to attend holiday gatherings, she said, they might need to step aside if they’re having trouble handling their emotions.

It’s perfectly fine to tell a party host: “I’m doing as well as I can, being here, around all of this merriment at holidays, but please understand that this is hard for me. So, if I need to go outside for a minute and have a tear, please don’t follow me. Please just let me be, and I’ll come back into the room when I’m ready.”

People grieve in different ways.

“Some people clearly do want to be left alone,” Thien said. “It’s certainly OK to opt out entirely.”

On the other hand, she added, some people “need hugs and socialization and reassurance.”

“My suggestion is small doses,” Thien said.

Swing by holiday parties, but just stay as long as you feel comfortable.

“You’re doing the important work of adjusting to life, now that your loved one is gone,” she said. “You are engaging in trying to find a new normal for yourself.”

The bottom line is finding what works for you during the holiday season, she said.

“People who really love you are going to understand,” Thien said.

HPH Hospice (HPH) is a not-for-profit community-based healthcare organization providing innovative, skilled medical care to patients with life-limiting illness and compassionate support to their family members. 

Established in 1982, and initially licensed in 1984, we provide hospice care to the residents of Pasco, Hernando and Citrus counties in Florida. Our commitment to the individualized needs of our patients, and our focus on Care, Comfort and Support in delivering compassion and dignity, have remained our strength.

The grief journey never looks or feels the same for those that have lost loved ones. Grieving patterns differ depending on the relationship, the passing, and the season in the surviving member’s life. No one can truly understand what a griever is going through, but there are ways to be supportive, especially during holidays when one feels the loss even more.

There are small things you can do to support a family member or friend who is grieving:

• Help around the house. Cook dinner, clean the house, and/or bake the holiday goodies.
• Help with holiday tasks. Wrap gifts, address holiday cards, and/or help with shopping.
• Listen. Be an active listener. You don’t need to have the answers, or even talk. Just listen to what the grieved has to say.
• Send a card or call. Be brief, but let those grieving know that you are thinking about them and ask how they are doing.
• Be supportive. The person grieving might choose to do the holiday differently his year. Honor their wishes and be supportive.

If you have lost a loved one, there are some things you can do to help ease the holiday blues:

• Be social. This may feel like the last thing you want to do, but isolating yourself only deepens the feeling of loneliness and loss. Think about the people you will be around and settings you will be in, and choose the circumstance in which you feel most comfortable.
• Give yourself a break. Try not to have unrealistic expectations of yourself or of the holiday season. This is a new chapter in your life; find the traditions and tasks that suit you where you are now. Set boundaries with your family and friends so they know what they can, and what they cannot, ask of you.
• Memorialize your loved one. Find something or some way to honor your loved one, whether that be attending a community memorial service, contributing to a worthy cause in their memory, or creating a new tradition that honors their life.
• Exercise. When you exercise, your brain releases endorphins and helps relieve symptoms of physical or emotional pain. Try to get some exercise each day.
• Do a charitable deed. There are many people who are grieving, hurting, and desperate during the holiday season. Helping others who are struggling will help you to shift your focus on the needs of others, instead of just your own.

Hospice programs provide grief and bereavement support to the entire community, often free of charge, regardless if the loved one died in hospice. Often hospice programs will offer special support groups, workshops, and/or memorial services during the holiday season. If you would like more information about bereavement support opportunities in your area, contact your local hospice by visiting Florida Hospice & Palliative Care Association’s (FHPCA) Find-A-Hospice page.

Learn More:

There are several ways you can stay in touch with FHPCA and learn more about hospice & palliative care.

• Bi-weekly E-newsletter. See what’s happening at FHPCA and read news about end-of-life issues from around the state and nation. Subscribe at http://www.floridahospices.org/newsletter/
• Social Media: Join us on Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin.
• Website: Visit us at www.floridahospices.org and read our blog The Hospice Voice.
• Call: Call our Consumer Hotline at 800-282-6560.

…When the Only Thing You Want, Is the One Thing You Can’t Have

Article courtesy of Avow Hospice, Naples, Florida

The sobbing didn’t start until it was time to put the lights on the tree.

For years Nancy had chided Don that it was time to ditch the old artificial spruce: it was spindly, with bits of tinsel from earlier Christmases stuck to some of its prickly plastic branches. It also wasn’t “pre-lit”, the way newer trees were. So every holiday season Don patiently untangled string after string of multicolored bulbs and green wires. Without fail, a loose bulb darkened an entire strand. Nancy would have ditched the whole set and bought a new one, but Don enjoyed the challenge of finding – and fixing – the problem. He twisted and tugged on the little bulbs until the entire string twinkled with light in his hands.

Ten months had passed since Don’s death – ten months that were filled with depression, loneliness and poor sleep – but also with the first signs of healing. Nancy had coped when Don’s birthday and their anniversary came and went; she’d even attended their daughter’s wedding alone and had joined a new book club.

So she was surprised when the floodgate of tears came in early December, when she’d hauled out the decorations for her first holiday alone. It was the sight of the tangled lights, waiting for Don’s patient touch – waiting, as she was, for things to be the way they’d always been.

For those facing their first holiday season grieving the loss of a loved one, may feel lost, like Nancy. Family traditions may feel hollow or pointless, given the reality of life without the person who has died.

There are some things you can do to live more peacefully through a season that focuses on families, togetherness and celebrations – even if all you want to do is curl up on the sofa and stay home until the New Year arrives. Here are some suggestions.

• Acknowledge how you feel. If you’re in lousy spirits, admit it – don’t try to pretend that this year will be no different than past years.

• Express your emotions in ways that feel right for you. For Nancy, giving way to a big cry was cleansing. You might feel better talking to a friend, writing in a journal, taking a long walk, dancing, singing or painting. The secret is to be you.

• Accept your feelings, whatever they may be. Some people are horrified to find themselves angry at the person who passed away – angry for being in the uncomfortable world of living without a spouse, parent, child or other important person. Others feel guilty for having fun and “forgetting” about their grief in the midst of holiday merriment. There’s no one right way to feel – all feelings are a sign that you’re human and reflect where you are in your healing process.

• Talk with others about the difficulties you’re afraid you may encounter. If you’ve always shared a holiday dinner with another couple and this year you’re alone, you might feel awkward or left out. Talking with others can help you identify ways to handle the occasion with a minimum of pain or sorrow. Tell people what you’d like them to do or not do to help you. They’ll appreciate your candor – most people want to be helpful and sensitive but need your guidance.

• Do something for someone else. Maybe you’d like to walk the dogs at the local animal shelter, cook a meal for someone who’s alone, help a senior or other person tackle their holiday shopping, run errands for someone with no car or no time, bake cookies for the reception at your club or church – whatever feels good and right to you.

• Remember your loved one to help him or her stay alive in your heart. Read his favorite poem, plant an herb she would have liked to cook with, buy something for yourself in memory of your loved one, look at photo albums or play the holiday music that meant so much to the person you loved. Reminiscing is healthy and can help you find joy in difficult times.

• Reach out for help. Most hospice organizations offer grief support programs and often have professional counselors on staff .These counselors are great listeners and know all about loving, losing and missing someone. Contact your local hospice to learn more about the support programs available in your area.

About Avow Hospice
Avow Hospice is an independent, non-profit, community hospice serving Collier County, Florida since 1983. To learn more about the programs offered by Avow Hospice, visit www.avowhospice.org.